There are alot of things I could say about the past week. It has been wrenching, hateful and all I could do to hold on. Some weeks are like that. Today I woke up, went to church and thought, I want out of my life. Not I want to end my life, but I want out. I simply want out.
Then I had a friend come to dinner. We ate, played some games with the kids, watched some Tom and Jerry. Then my friend and I played Rummy while Jed read some stories to Riley. And somehow during the card game, we ended up talking, about life…in real terms. And through a very personal experience shared, I was gently reminded about the most important thing to me.
I was reminded of the Jesus I know. How He never has done me wrong. He never has shamed me or told me to be someone else. He simply loves and offers me choice.
And I have to remember that I am in progress. I choose and I am in progress. I fail. I make mistakes. I break down. I can be bewildering. I am in progress.
I am in progress with my kids. I never was the little girl that wanted to grow up to be a mom – I never even gave thought to being a mom. So I now sometimes feel like I am in catch up mode and in progress trying to find and kindle greater those desires to love, nurture, hold close and make a home. I am in progress as a wife. My husband doesn’t do the dishes, but he is my best friend. And sometimes I lose sight of which one is most important. I am in progress as a friend. I have an aversion sometimes to the telephone, to idle chit chat, to supreme conformity. Things that can be harmful to friendships, especially in the beginning. But I am in progress and there is no shame in that.
There is a song – Stars and the Moon, that I always think of when I begin to wonder about my choices…and progress…and to help me remember why I chose the moon – here’s the link if you want to listen for yourself…
Enjoy your life this week – you are in progress…